It was also a lot of fun to see all of these other kids – kids she started Kindergarten with and girls who were in her Brownie and Girl Scout troops also going up to receive their honors.  Some of them received the highest recognition their teachers are able to give for outstanding performance as students.  I was just so pleased and impressed to see so many of them achieving such great things.

Granted, after 13 years of education, there were many who also weren’t up there, but it made me look back over this time – between her birth and now – and all these kids she has been friends with, or really not been just friends with.  Kids I have watched grow, right alongside my daughter, into adults in their own right.  I saw my daughter standing among a group of people who DO have the power and motivation to be world changers.

Today, God has blessed me with so much love – love for all those kids, love for …well, it’s just going to sound cheesy, but it’s true…love for everyone.  My heart breaks for everyone around me that I see struggling, and while I know there may be little things I can do to make the struggle easier, the love that God has given me for them leads me to the best thing possible – prayer for them.  But to hurt for people, you have to love them in some measure – and God has poured that out to me in a measure larger than I could fathom!

Another interesting moment last night…one of Kelsey’s best friends for several years was a boy – I’ll call him A.  As a young single mom, A’s parents became good friends of mine, and invited me everywhere with them.  I was absorbed into their family for awhile, until things tapered off in 2nd grade or so.  When the kids were in kindergarten, they were instrumental in trying to get things ‘heated up’ between our kids’ teacher and me.  And by heated up, I mean – he was single, I was single, and he was a really, really nice, sweet guy.  But – cooler heads prevailed, and we decided trying to date when my daughter was one of his students would be a bad idea….ESPECIALLY since it was his first year teaching!  Well, apparently A’s parents had had dinner with that teacher last weekend, and ended up talking about me.  Which…odd, right?  It was just weird to have that brought up after so long.  I haven’t seen him in 12 years, and have been madly in love with my hubby for the last 8.

Something about that part of my past just felt…off kilter.  Awkward.  Unhappy.  A reflection that looks like me, but isn’t really me.  Instead, I have a life God has filled to the brim with people to look after, to care for, to love, to work on not being annoyed by, to be patient with, to be completely utterly silly with, and just….to GROW with!

I laid cuddled up to my husband last night, as he dealt with a disappointment from his day. His hurts are my hurts – and I don’t like hurting, so of course, I wanted it to go away!  But God is leading him through this – and me in turn.

I can’t help but think – we realize it about our children, because they grow before our eyes. We blink, and they’re adults.  But the same is true with marriage.  We are so deep in the day to day, it’s hard to see that our time together is flying by.  Time that – while for those of us who are saved, ticks toward a very great reward in the end – but even so…it’s the end of the time that I will be here, with my husband, crazy in love with him.  How many of those seconds…minutes…hours…days…weeks…months…even years…have gone by without me realizing how precious they were?

I am crazy in love with my husband.  I have crazy love for every person in my life.  And ALL of that, is 100% a God Thing.  The best reflection of His love for me.

I dunno. The hubs, he asked for a backrub last night. No, an ACTUAL backrub – not whatever it was YOU were thinking. What he didn’t plan was that that put me into the perfect position to tickle the ever loving heck out of him!!!

And that, boys and girls, puts me in an EXCEPTIONAL mood today.

At the forefront is the impending graduation of my oldest child.  I could not be more proud of this young woman! (Yes, I typed ‘girl’, and then realized that just doesn’t fit for her anymore.)  She will be graduating WITH HONORS from her high school.  They haven’t updated her rank yet, but I am pretty sure she’s in the top 15%, which is fantastic – and better than I did in school!

She has her upcoming year planned out, and is working on raising the funds necessary for the program she’s going into.  But both she and I feel this crazy regret about the ‘childhood’ chapter of her life closing, to make way for this new chapter to start.  I wouldn’t take away anything she has become, but…we were able to have some very special focused time in her life, before our troop became 7.  While I wouldn’t trade THIS life for that, it’s bittersweet to think how short the time is before she’s off on her own, and she doesn’t ‘need’ me anymore.  (Want, of course – I think she always will, but NEED…no.)

For the rest of my brood, summer also brings a mixed bag.  It’s nice to have the rest of the kids home, and the slower pace of the mornings is it’s own treat.  But, with kids home also comes more mess, and more opportunities to drive me slowly mad with disappearing food and cabinet doors left open, and just the random trappings of kids left everywhere.  This summer, it will be a challenge to keep them entertained and not playing video games 14 hours a day.

The summer also brings a new challenge for me.  The older two are looking for jobs, but do I do the same.  We shall see.

Yeah…that didn’t work.  I got up, opened my cards, and sat down to read for a bit.  Around 8, the kids finally started rousing, so after locating the presents they had bought for me (but needed to wrap) and had misplaced, I went back and sat in bed, and waited for my ‘breakfast in bed’.  (Kind of loses some of the romance after all that, huh?)

Around 9, they brought in a gorgeous tray of salmon lox & cream cheese with caviar, along with flowers, some presents, and an amazing cup of coffee.  We all sat, I opened my presents, and the kids at me breakfast. (As was intended.  Salmon and cream cheese is more their fav than mine, but it was good family time.)   Of course, we sat around for too long, and then all had to rush to get to church.

Church was good, with our usual Mother’s Day message from the senior pastor’s wife.  It made me stop for a minute and realize how exquisitely perfect my husband and I are for each other.  She spoke about how each of us as mothers do things differently – some are really high energy and can do a million things at once.  The person that I am, as a wife and mother, is a perfect match for my husband.  That doesn’t mean we love doing the exact same things all the time – but that our priorities and outlook on life line up enough that we don’t drive each other batty!

After church (and chocolate), we went out for a nice lunch, and then home for what was supposed to be a nap, but wasn’t.  In the end, I got a great pedicure from my oldest kiddo (which included AMAZING iced coffee), and I hung out with my girls for a bit.

After my mom was home from work for the day, we took her Mother’s Day gift over…and that’s where the day took a rough turn.  Today is her first Mother’s Day without her mom. She has admitted to a fair amount of depression (and weight gain) since my grandma passed, but…I just didn’t expect it to feel so weird going over there.  We’re having breakfast with her on Tuesday, so maybe by then, it will have passed.  I’m not sure though…whether the weird was due to her having a hard time with the day, or due to the boundaries I’ve put in place with her.  Not sure, but I left there sad.

A quick run to Jimmy Johns (seriously – I love their sandwiches), and vegging on the couch, and the day is complete.  I’ve had lots of great time today with the charming children who entitle me to the day…and lots of love from a husband who likes to spoil the mama of his kids.  I’ll take it.

And on that note, I am going to go convince a little booger that it really IS time to close her eyes and sleep, and I am going to read for a bit (which makes any day a win!).

I did discover downrightnow.com, which provides updated status on services we all know and love, and it’s kind of cool to know when you’re NOT the only one having a problem.

Things have been…good…overall.  All of my women’s groups at church are ending, as is our Wednesday meal service, so I am looking at a summer of not much going on.  I am ecstatic about that!

We are about 2 weeks away from switching C to a ‘big girl bed’.  I am a little nervous about it, because she has NO INTEREST.  We discussed it a little earlier today, because I’m trying to prepare her.  Today she just seemed distressed.  This is combined with the loss of about 2/3 of her stuffed animal collection (which was insanely huge) and about half the toys in her toybox, which were baby toys.  It’s hard for me, letting go of her ‘baby-ness’, but for her – well – I just keep envisioning her on an episode of Hoarders in 30 years, telling the therapist it all ties back to her mom making her get rid of her stuff when she was 3!  I am sure it will be fine – she will love the bed she’s getting because it’s very dramatic and princess-y, and she is ALL ABOUT princess things, but for now, I am experiencing a lot of mommy guilt over it!

This week has been great for perspective, worship, and hearing from God.  It is amazing how, if you just STOP, get quiet, and listen.  Even the smallest things have been screaming out to me, and I’ve not noticed.  Proverbs 17:17, in particular, which was C’s memory verse for Sunday school this past month.

This week, the lesson is to Trust.  Trust that what God has for me is greater than anything I could conceive of on my own.  So that’s what it is – a time for patience, quiet, and trusting God.

Last night was a healing and worship service at our church.  It was good – fun to have a midweek focused worship time like that.  Hearing all the GOOD that is going on was fantastic.  Hubs didn’t get up and share our story, but I think ours speaks to God’s provision as much as many that were shared.  But – he knew many of the people who were speaking up about the jobs they have finally gotten had been without a job for some time.  We were never at that point, but the way in which God worked all the provision for us was just amazing, and I think it’s pretty share-worthy!

And now…time to go finish planning K’s graduation party.  I can’t even believe we’re there. I’m going to finish writing before I get all maudlin about it.  My baby. She is big!

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I have been looking for my keys for hours. No luck. I have this slight inclination that they are SOMEWHERE in my husband’s truck. But, they are definitely not here, and unfortunately, he started his new job downtown today, which means he can’t just run my keys home IF they are in the car to begin with.

We entertained this weekend. My house is a mess. It wasn’t THAT bad to begin with, but somewhere over the progression of the weekend, it got AWFUL.

I wonder if the keys are under my dresser? At a loss. I’ve done laundry to pick through all my pants to see if they were in the pocket…and…no. Argh.

Second son was late to school today – had to walk because I couldn’t find my keys. Not only was he late…when he got there he just decided to mosey around and NOT GO TO CLASS. Argh.

Alright. That was my break. Back to the search for keys. Kind of like the search for Spock, but with less warp-y, laser-y action.

Thank you so much for all the amazing kids you’ve brought into my life, Lord.  I look through posts on facebook – pictures of the families of all the wonerful people we’ve gotten to know Lord…and I see such beautiful children.  The daughters of our friends…my breath gets caught up just as much as for my own daughters as I see the wonderful young women You are building up.  Thank You for the time tonight, watching the friends of my oldest daughter grow in pictures before my eyes.  God, thank You for Sarah, whose mother wasn’t able to be there tonight – for the pain I felt for them both…Sarah missing her mother, and for her mother, missing out on being there with her amazing daughter.  I know it’s silly…she’s with You, and how could that be bad…but I would have hated not being there with my girl tonight…and I can’t imagine not holding her, hugging her, telling her how proud I am of her, and how amazing and wonderful she is.  God…I pray you are with their family tonight, and that you bring them peace, and just fill them with love, knowing You are watching over them, and YOU are thrilled with the young woman she has become.  God, thank you for the young Men of God who were celebrated tonight.  I pray You raise them up to be great husbands, fathers, and leaders in the church.  Thank You so much for the love You have given me for all of these kids, and for their families.  Thank You for giving me glimpses of them through Your eyes.  Never before has it been so clear that each one is a beautiful flower you created – blooming and growing for You.  They are truly amazing.

I am just blown away, and I thank You so much for putting me in a place to be around them. I pray they would grow deeper in their walk with You every day, and that they would hear and follow Your voice and plan for their lives.

And God…thank You for the beauty of my own oldest daughter.  You know Lord, how my breath was taken away tonight looking at the pictures of her.  She has been such an amazing blessing in my life, and I can’t imagine where I would be if You hadn’t let me be her mom.  I pray Lord, that you would keep her safe, help her to have a deep, rich relationship with You, an in doing so, to understand Your will for her life…that she would follow where You lead her, and that she would find her peace and fulfillment in giving her life away to You.  I just can’t even put words to how grateful I am that You let me be her mom.

I love you God, and thank You so much for all you have done in my life.

~Amen~

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